Random Musings from Katie Marie

LIGHTS Does SLC Acoustic Style

2011-11-03T13:06:00.000-06:00

With a little help from the weather in Colorado Halloween decided to deliver a treat to Salt Lake City, UT two days late. Poor weather in Colorado prevented LIGHTS from reaching Salt Lake City by bus. This meant her gear was stranded in Colorado. For most artists this would have surely meant cancelling the show, but LIGHTS is certainly not like most artists. She is so committed to her fans she hopped on a plane to Salt Lake City with her acoustic guitar and a keyboard.

This meant LIGHTS would be playing a special solo acoustic show. I was thrilled when I heard the news. I have always loved everything acoustic from LIGHTS. She really delivered. It was truly a special show, but more on that a bit later.

I was surprised by the length of the line when I showed up to the venue. This is the fourth time I have seen LIGHTS in SLC. The first two times she was the headliner, and the crowds were small. The second time, she even played in an old garage that had been converted to a concert venue on an epic Halloween night. The third time she opened for Owl City during the peak of his popularity, so it drew a big crowd. This was easily the biggest crowd I’ve seen yet for a show LIGHTS has headlined in SLC. Can’t believe how her popularity has grown over the years.

I showed up just shortly before doors opened, and was lucky to find my friend Olivia near the front of the line. I joined her in line to await the doors opening. Once the doors opened the line was split between those with hard tickets and those with will call tickets. I was lucky enough to have a hard ticket, and was one of the first people through the doors. I grabbed a free cupcake (yummy by the way) and made my way to the center front of the stage saving room for my friends.

It was easy to sense the excitement for LIGHTS from the crowd as people filed in and the opener played their set. The place was really buzzing. When LIGHTS appeared on stage, the place erupted. She walked on stage in a blue shirt with a raccoon on it, picked up her guitar, and proceeded to wow us all with her mad skills. I don’t remember the exact setlist, but will highlight the songs I do remember. It was a magical and intimate atmosphere. LIGHTS has always been great about interacting with the crowd, and she was really on her game on this night. She told the story of the bus being stranded, and looking like a zombie when the bus driver woke her up.

Throughout the set, LIGHTS carried on conversations with people in the crowd. A major highlight for me came when she talked about her previous stops in SLC. As soon as she mentioned the show from two years ago, I yelled out “HALLOWEEN!!” She heard me, and pointed at me. It’s so awesome that she recognizes me now.

LIGHTS truly created a memorable night with her all acoustic set. For most of the set, she played her acoustic guitar. For a couple of songs, she moved over to the keyboard. This stripped down version of LIGHTS is truly incredible. She has such an amazing voice, that is really put on display in a setting like this. I had chills while she was holding some notes. With her talent, LIGHTS deserves to be far more well known than she is. One song that really showcased this was “Pretend”. She switched it up a bit at the end, and added in some new notes. The changes were a real nice addition to the song.

Now I have to admit that I haven’t been the biggest fan of “Siberia”. The bass used was just too much for me. For this reason, I was even more please to have the acoustic show. I loved the stripped down acoustic versions of songs from “Siberia”. I think now after hearing these versions, the album will grow on me further.

Now to touch on a few more highlights of the night. LIGHTS was distracted in the middle of playing “Quiet”. When she said “everytime you say hello”, someone in the crowd shouted “HELLO”. She stopped playing for a moment and cracked up laughing. Later on during “Toes” a scary moment took place. A girl who was standing right behind me told someone else that she was starting to feel faint. She was leaning on the other girl, and they started walking to exit the crowd. She started to fall to the floor. As we called security over, LIGHTS noticed this taking place. She stopped playing to make sure the girl was okay. It was great to see everyone show concern for her. LIGHTS fans really are like a family. I hope it was nothing serious, and that she is okay.

In summary it was a magical night that will not soon be forgotten by all in attendance. LIGHTS is a special artist. After the show ended, it certainly wasn’t the end of the night. I along with a couple dozen others stood by the merch table awaiting the arrival of LIGHTS. She didn’t disappoint, as she eventually made her way out. LIGHTS has always been great about mingling with her fans. She never turns people away. As I mentioned this was my fourth time seeing LIGHTS, and it was also my fourth time meeting LIGHTS. She has always been so friendly, and again it’s so awesome that she recognizes me now. I told her I am now 4 for 4 when it comes to meeting her. Her response: “Let’s make it 5 for 5! I’ll be back in February.” That comment really was the icing on the cake to one of the most memorable nights. Thank you to LIGHTS for being the most amazing and friendly musician. SLC loves LIGHTS, and LIGHTS loves SLC!!

Big News!! Now I'm Free!! Again!!

2011-02-17T01:24:00.000-07:00

I have big news to share. I am once again moving out of the house that belongs to my parents. I will be moving into the Pinnacle Fort Union apartments with my great friend Sierra. Our move in date is on 2/25/11. I am excited!! I think I'm going to have so much fun being roommates with Sierra. We get along great. I will finally be able to be myself at all times at home once again. Now, who wants to help me move?

Why so much hate for "Born This Way"?

2011-02-14T16:57:00.000-07:00

I realize that there were many people who hated on Lady Gaga before "Born This Way" was even released. I can't help but feel like there is an unusual number of people hating on her since the release of "Born This Way". I hate to go to this, but it's hard not to think that the main message of the song is the reason for the high amount of hate. You can read the lyrics in my previous blog entry here. Here is a YouTube video of the song.

I hope I'm wrong. Do people who hate the song really hate its message? Do they have hatred for the LGBT community, and as such are showing that through hating this song? I just felt like getting this off my chest. I really hope I'm wrong. What does everyone else think? Are people hating the song just based on the sound, or do they hate the message?

LivingSocial Super Bowl Ad Degrades Transgender People

2011-02-07T00:54:00.001-07:00

Like millions of other people around the world, I sat down to watch the Super Bowl around 4:00 PM MST on 2/6/11. Sadly it started on a sour note, thanks to an offensive advertisement from a website called LivingSocial. Once again transgender people were used as a punchline to a joke. This is unacceptable and needs to stop. I refuse to allow these offenses to continue to go unchecked. It just continues to add to the discrimination faced by the transgender community.

Here is the offending advertisement:

Why is this offensive? It says: look at this masculine man in a dress, isn't it funny? It sends a message that transgender people are something to laugh at. That is not okay. Some comments were posted to the YouTube video calling out this anti-transgender message. LivingSocial couldn't take the heat, and decided to disable comments on the video. It currently has 28 likes, and 29 dislikes.

Below I present a screenshot of some comments on LivingSocial's Facebook page. It is an example of the harm this ad has done to the transgender community. Click the image to enlarge it.

I Liked the Facebook page so that I could post a comment. Here is the comment I posted:

You should be ashamed of yourselves for the horrible anti-transgender ad you aired at the beginning of the Super Bowl. I was unaware of your company prior to the ad, but will now be telling everyone I know to stay away. You should have thought twice before making that ad, because now you have angered the transgender community. I hope you enjoy the loss of business after spending money on that terrible ad.

In closing, I strongly encourage everyone to boycott this LivingSocial service. They should apologize for airing this advertisement, and pull it from all distribution channels. Please share this blog, and help spread the word.

Born This Way

2011-01-28T00:34:00.000-07:00

It's time for a positive blog entry. I don't feel like I've posted enough positive stuff lately. I read something so amazingly beautiful today. Mother Monster (Lady Gaga) posted the lyrics to her upcoming new song "Born This Way". I cried while reading the lyrics. I am so excited to hear this song when it comes out on 2/13/11. Just going by the lyrics, I am already sure it will be my personal anthem. I am such a Little Monster, and sincerely love Mother Monster. She is an incredible inspiration. Keep up the good fight Mother Monster.

I'm posting the lyrics below for all to read. I am going to be reading them myself several times in anticipation of the release of the new song. This song is full of truth. It makes me so happy that she wrote lyrics about what it is to be transgender. Anyway I'm done talking about it, so on with the lyrics.

BORN THIS WAY
WRITTEN BY: LADY GAGA
PRODUCED BY: LADY GAGA, FERNANDO GARIBAY, DJ WHITE SHADOW
MIXED AND ENGINEERED BY: DAVID RUSSEL

INTRO:
It doesn't matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M
Just put your paws up
'cause you were Born This Way, Baby

VERSE:
MY MAMA TOLD ME WHEN I WAS YOUNG
WE ARE ALL BORN SUPERSTARS

SHE ROLLED MY HAIR AND PUT MY LIPSTICK ON
IN THE GLASS OF HER BOUDOIR

"THERE'S NOTHIN WRONG WITH LOVIN WHO YOU ARE"
SHE SAID, "'CAUSE HE MADE YOU PERFECT, BABE"

"SO HOLD YOUR HEAD UP GIRL AND YOU'LL GO FAR,
LISTEN TO ME WHEN I SAY"

CHORUS:
I'M BEAUTIFUL IN MY WAY
'CAUSE GOD MAKES NO MISTAKES
I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY
I WAS BORN THIS WAY

DON'T HIDE YOURSELF IN REGRET
JUST LOVE YOURSELF AND YOU'RE SET
I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY
I WAS BORN THIS WAY

POST-CHORUS:
OOO THERE AIN'T NO OTHER WAY
BABY I WAS BORN THIS WAY
BABY I WAS BORN THIS WAY
OOO THERE AIN'T NO OTHER WAY
BABY I WAS BORN-
I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY
I WAS BORN THIS WAY

DON'T BE A DRAG -JUST BE A QUEEN
DON'T BE A DRAG -JUST BE A QUEEN
DON'T BE A DRAG -JUST BE A QUEEN
DON'T BE!

VERSE:
GIVE YOURSELF PRUDENCE
AND LOVE YOUR FRIENDS
SUBWAY KID, REJOICE YOUR TRUTH

IN THE RELIGION OF THE INSECURE
I MUST BE MYSELF, RESPECT MY YOUTH

A DIFFERENT LOVER IS NOT A SIN
BELIEVE CAPITAL H-I-M (HEY HEY HEY)
I LOVE MY LIFE I LOVE THIS RECORD AND
MI AMORE VOLE FE YAH (LOVE NEEDS FAITH)

REPEAT CHORUS + POST-CHORUS

BRIDGE:

DON'T BE A DRAG, JUST BE A QUEEN
WHETHER YOU'RE BROKE OR EVERGREEN
YOU'RE BLACK, WHITE, BEIGE, CHOLA DESCENT
YOU'RE LEBANESE, YOU'RE ORIENT
WHETHER LIFE'S DISABILITIES
LEFT YOU OUTCAST, BULLIED, OR TEASED
REJOICE AND LOVE YOURSELF TODAY
'CAUSE BABY YOU WERE BORN THIS WAY

NO MATTER GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BI,
LESBIAN, TRANSGENDERED LIFE
I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY
I WAS BORN TO SURVIVE
NO MATTER BLACK, WHITE OR BEIGE
CHOLA OR ORIENT MADE
I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY
I WAS BORN TO BE BRAVE

REPEAT CHORUS

OUTRO/REFRAIN:

I WAS BORN THIS WAY HEY!
I WAS BORN THIS WAY HEY!
I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY
I WAS BORN THIS WAY HEY!

I WAS BORN THIS WAY HEY!
I WAS BORN THIS WAY HEY!
I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY
I WAS BORN THIS WAY HEY!

Dead To Me

2010-12-21T00:08:00.000-07:00

big·ot (bgt)

One who is strongly partial to one's own group, religion, race, or politics and is intolerant of those who differ.

It has been a while since I last posted a blog. I wish I could writing with a more positive update, but sadly that is not the case. A terrible act of bigotry was committed against me over the weekend. It came from my "brother"-in-law. He is no brother of mine. He has no place in my family. I do not tolerate bigotry, especially when it is directed at me personally. Going forward in this blog, I will only reference him as my sister's husband.

I was asked by my oldest sister to babysit her three-year-old daughter for two weeks while she goes to work. I agreed to do so, as she offered to pay me for it. On Sunday evening, prior to the Monday I was to start babysitting my niece, I received a message from my mother. She informed me that I no longer had to worry about watching my niece. What is the reason? My sister's husband said that he didn't trust me. Why? He believes that with me being a transgender individual I will molest his child. WHAT??!!!

As you might image, this completely absurd accusation really set me off. How dare this "man" accuse me of such a terrible thing? I would never harm a child. I ventured out of my bedroom to confront this prejudiced bigotry. I got into a shouting match with this piece of scum. His excuse for making such a claim? He claims statistical proof that gay people are more likely to molest children. Notice how he equates being transgender with being gay, even though they are two completely different things. According to him all transgender people are homosexuals, and all homosexuals want to molest children. He goes on to claim that he has God on his side. This is how he shows that he is a Christian? He is a member of the LDS Church.

During the argument, he adds more insult to injury. He says while abuse may not happen, he doesn't want me to influence his child. He is afraid that I will try to make his child become gay or transgender. He obviously does not realize that being gay or transgender is not a choice or something that is learned. I fully believe that it is something people are born with. I expect that someday there will be full scientific proof to back up this claim. However these are my personal views. Out of respect for the wishes of my siblings, I have never said one word about being transgender to any of their children. Not only that, but I do not even talk about any social issues with their children. I respect their wishes to not allow their kids to learn about these issues from me. This is how that respect is returned to me? Respect is a two way street. If you expect me to respect your beliefs and opinions, then you should also respect me in the same way.

If this is love from within a family, then I want no part of it. I do not want to offend anyone who is reading this who has done nothing wrong to me, but I have to express the following thoughts. It is people like this scum of a man who is married to my sister that cast a bad light on the religious community as a whole. When he makes statements that his opinions are in the name of God, he is representing his religion. He is saying that God says that all LGBT people are bad and immoral. I only add this to try to help show why the LGBT community becomes so angry with the religious community. I fully realize that not all religious people are like this man who has wronged me.

I will not take such a terrible and baseless accusation lying down. I will not allow such horrible and untrue things to be said about me. I will stand up, and defend my good name. I am a good person. I try my best to show kindness and respect to all people. I do not want to judge anyone, as I do not like to be judged myself. I know that I am right to live an authentic life. I will not allow anyone to tear me down. If you are not willing to accept me for who I am, then you have no place in my life. That may be a blunt statement, but I will not allow myself to be surrounded by people who only want to tear me down. I deserve to live a happy life, and I will do just that.

In closing, this man is dead to me. I told him as much last night. I told him that he is no longer welcome in my life at all. I will move forward, and leave him in the past. He is nothing more than a memory to me now. I have two music videos to share that I have dedicated to this despicable man. If you are offended by cussing, I suggest you do not watch the videos. Thank you for taking the time to read this blog. Getting this out helps me to release the anger I have felt from the situation. I will now focus on leaving it in the past as I move on with my life.

-Katie Marie

Don't call me Mister!!

2010-07-17T21:18:00.000-06:00

Well this update is probably overdue. Life gets crazy and hectic sometimes. After everything I went through during June looking for a place to live and new roommates, I ended up back where I least wanted to be. I moved back in with my parents in stupid far-away-from-everything-in-SLC Riverton. I reached the day before the final day of my lease, and still had no place to live, and decided it was best to not rush into anything. I hope to not be living with parents for too long. I am however taking advantage of having no rent or utilities to pay for as long a I am here. I just hope I can find a good roommate situation for when I decide to move out again.

Now I have to rant a bit. I am so tired of my family flinging insults at me. I can accept that they choose not to support me being transgender, but is it really too much to ask for some kindness and civility? My mom insists on heavily emphasizing the male pronouns when speaking to or about me. One of my sisters has also taken to doing the same. It is very insulting.

Here's an example of a recent incident. I was playing with the niece who belongs to my oldest sister. I wasn't doing anything different from any other time when I play with her. My niece tells everyone to go away, and tries to push them away. It's a game to her. Well on this occasion my other sister who was babysitting decided to hit me with "stop it, you're scaring her with your long hair." WHAT???!!! Are you serious?? What kind of stupid remark is that? Keep in mind I started growing my hair out before this niece was even born, so all she knows is my long hair. As if that wasn't bad enough, she decided to insult me further as I walked away. She said "UNCLE Jason" with extra emphasis on the Uncle part. GRRR!!!!

I understand that I am still presenting as a male, and that I still need to be a male to the nieces and nephew. However there is no need to insult me by placing emphasis on the male pronouns. They have to know that I would find it insulting. It is just plain rude for them to continue doing it. My family seriously has to wonder why I didn't come around much during the 13 months I wasn't living here? Why in the world would I want to spend time with people who insult me?

Okay I'm dong ranting. I will do what I need to in order to move out on my own again very soon. This will just be a minor speed bump in my journey into womanhood, Although a speed bump with the benefit of allowing me to improve my financial situation to help with the costs of transition.

-Katie Marie

I finally have a place to live with new roommates!!!!

2010-06-23T18:15:00.000-06:00

Well that didn't take long for something good to happen after I posted my ranty blog. I received notification that I have been selected to move in to a new place. Now that it is finally confirmed, I can share the details.

I will be moving into a house located in the lower avenues, right by Downtown SLC. It is on First Avenue. In order to protect my privacy, I won't give the exact address here. I will share that in private with people who want to know. It is a nice older house, with a lot of vintage charm. There are two fireplaces with immaculate mantles. There are four girls living there who will be my new roommates. The only downside is that there is only one full bathroom. As scary as that sounds, I don't think it will be an issue.

I am planning to move in this Saturday. I would love to have all the help I can get. If you'd like to help with the move, just let me know. I am happy now!!!

-Katie Marie

Discrimination SUCKS!!!!!!!

2010-06-23T16:55:00.000-06:00

I'll warn you now, there will be much complaining in this blog.

Just like the title says, discrimination sucks!!! As many reading this may know, I have been looking for a new roommate pretty much all month long. Here I sit one week away from the day I need to be out of my current apartment, and still have not found a new roommate or place to live. I have contacted over 70 people in response to Craigslist ads posted by people seeking roommates. How many responses have I received? Less than 10.

Now I am being upfront with everyone I contact, and telling them that I am transgender. I have no way of knowing why people aren't responding, but it sure feels a lot like discrimination. I have even had some people tell me they aren't comfortable with me being transgender. This is discrimination. Plain and simple. It sucks!! I hate it!! It's getting me so upset. Judgmental people really suck.

I'm done ranting for now. Maybe someday people will understand that transgender people are nothing to be afraid of.

I'm Not Okay!!!!!

2010-06-17T21:33:00.000-06:00

"I'm not okay
I'm not okay
Well, I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-kay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
(Okay)"

"I'm Not Okay" - My Chemical Romance

Well the song isn't a complete fit, but that part at least fits my mood today. Read on to find out why.

If you read my last blog, I reported that I had found a roommate. Well guess I was wrong. The girl who I thought would be my awesome new roommate has screwed me over. Today she emailed me with "bad news". She is moving to California in the middle of July. WHAT???!!!!! How does someone go from a long term commitment to stay in the house I am about to rent in on Sunday to moving to California by Thursday? It makes no sense. I don't see how such a thing could have just come so spontaneously after I was told otherwise. It just doesn't add up for me. If it was even a remote possibility at the time she met with me, she should have told me then. I am very upset with the whole situation.

Why do I have such horrible luck with moving and finding roommates? This is my 3rd attempt, and problems still seem to come up from nowhere. Am I cursed to encounter all the bad situations that exist? I just don't get it.

Okay I'm done ranting for now. My search for a roommate has resumed. I can now only hope that I will find a good situation where the person won't flake out on me. My hopes are not very high at this point.

My search is over!!!

2010-06-14T00:52:00.000-06:00

I am so happy and relieved right now!!! It's not 100% official yet as I still have to go through some red tape, but I have come to an agreement on a new place to live. I will give the whole story below.

I received a response to one of the 50+ emails I had sent in response to Craigslist ads. It was from a very friendly girl named Heather who lives in The Avenues. Now here's the deal I've been looking for a place that is pet free with roommates who don't smoke. In her first email to me she mentioned that she smokes, and has a cat. Normally I would have just ended it right there, but decided to give it a chance due to how friendly she was in her email. That turned out to be an excellent decision.

I went to look at the place and meet with her. I've never really been in The Avenues except when going to the city cemetery. It's an older house, probably built in the early 1900s. It's a charming little house. After touring the house, I ended up talking with Heather for two hours. We talked about several different things, and lost all track of time. We clicked so well. Oh by the way she only smokes outside, and the cat is clean. No issues there. With those being non-issues, and how well we clicked, we agreed on me moving in. Now all that is left is to clear the red tape over the coming days in order to make it truly official.

I am so glad I kept my mind open enough to allow me to find this great opportunity. I am really looking forward to making this work out.

-Katie Marie

Search for a roommate and a place to live

2010-06-10T19:17:00.001-06:00

It's been nearly 13 months since I finally took the plunge and moved out of my parents' house. As I signed a 13 month lease at my current apartment, that means the lease will be coming to an end as June comes to a close. I have conflicted emotions about this.

I will be happy to have a change of scenery and roommates. My current roommate has been good overall. There are just a few things that cause us not to work well as roommates beyond our time at this apartment. We don't have the same idea of what it means to keep the common areas clean. I feel like I've been the only one to actually do any cleaning in the common areas. It's especially hard since he has a dog. The dog contributes quite a bit to the messes. It wouldn't be so bad if it didn't feel like I was alone in keeping things clean. Speaking of the dog. It is my first experience ever living with a dog for an extended period of time. I have not enjoyed it. He sheds fur everywhere, creates messes, and is annoying noisy. He howls and whines anytime my roommate goes anywhere. Well I don't want to complain too much, so that's probably enough said on this subject.

I am stressing out as more time passes while I still have yet to find a new roommate situation or place to call home. We now have less than three weeks left in June. For a brief time I was considering moving back in with my parents to allow me to save some money and pay off some debt. I decided that was not a good idea, as I really don't feel I'd be able to handle living under the judgmental aura of my family. Since I came to that conclusion, I have been actively responding to roommate listings on Craigslist. To date I have sent just over 40 emails in response to listings of interest to me. In my email I detail the fact that I am transgender, as I definitely want to make sure I go into a situation where that won't be looked down upon or uncomfortable for anyone. I feel this is scaring a lot of people away before they even bother to reply. Out of the 40+ emails I have sent, I have received 8 replies. That's not a very good percentage. It has made for some frustration in my search.

I am currently still searching, and sending out more emails. There have been a few promising leads. The most promising so far currently has me in a wait and see mode. It is a house located around 1100 S 300 E (approximate address as not to give away the exact location). I went to look at the place yesterday evening. I love the location, as it is central and close to everything. The house is older, but very nice and well kept. It is occupied by a male (the owner) and two females. They all seem like great people who could make excellent roommates. It is a pet, smoke, and drug free environment. It fits very well with what I'm looking for. I offered to move in while at the house yesterday. I am currently waiting while the roommates allow other candidates to see the place. I received an update today letting me know that they have one other girl going to look at the place tomorrow before they make a decision. I really do want this place to work out, but am worried by the fact that I have competition. All I can do is wait, and hope that I have made a good enough impression to be the person selected to take the room.

That about sums up my situation. I will continue to search, email, and wait. It's a pattern that will repeat itself until an agreement can be reached on a new place to live. I hope anyone reading this will send some luck my way so that I will find the situation I desire. I will post another update when I have anything new to share. Hopefully it will be the good news that I am the chosen one to move into the house I have detailed in this blog.

-Katie Marie

Introduction

2010-06-10T18:49:00.001-06:00

I decided to start an official blog on an actual blog site. So here I am. I'll start with a short introduction. My name is Katie Marie. I am a 28 year old transgender female. I was born with the sex of a man, but my true gender is female. For the time being I am still living full time in "boy mode". I do go out dressed as a female as often as possible. I hope to go full time as a female sometime during this calendar year. I'm sure I will have much more to say on this subject in the future. This is just a brief introduction to kick off the blog. I will try to post updates when I have interesting things to share.

-Katie Marie